Joan Rivers--I will always love you!

The first time I met Joan, I was five in an elevator with my parents. The elevator stopped and Joan and a friend got on. My mother told her that we were looking for Diana Ross and The Supremes (who were staying at the same hotel) and Joan said, "Forget her. She's not nice."

I didn't know who this woman was as she gave me an autograph with lots of xxxx and a smiley face on it. But my mother who watched Carson knew who she was.

The second time I was writing for a local newspaper as a entertainment reporter and she was appearing a theater in CT. I had contacted her Public Relations people and scored an interview. Then, it was announced she would be Carson's guest host replacement. I lost the interview, she didn't need the publicity, said someone for PMK. So, I did what I always do when someone says no--I wrote a letter.

I had tickets to see her twice and at the first show gave my letter to her opening act. Garry Shandling. Joan was terrific. After her standing ovation-I headed out to stage door, when over the speakers came this: Leslie Jacobs, will you please come to the backstage area.

My best friend Marianne Virtuoso was with me, as I said, "coming Mare"? "Right behind you Les."

As we entered the backstage area.  There were people from all around the state. We waited for the door to open. She came out and asked me who I was. I said Leslie Jacobs and I wanted to interview you. But, PMK said you didn't need the publicity. As I was saying this I could see Edgar and Bill her manager talking. Joan said, we'll do something nice for you...let me finish with everyone else.

After finishing with everyone, she turned to me and said come one, lets do the interview. I panicked and said--"I don't have my questions."

"I'll make it easy on you." She smiled.

Mare and I walked into the dressing room and sat at the table. She started to wait on us...what do you want to drink? Have you eaten? A typical mom. (Mare and I were in our early 20s)  The men were sitting on a couch in the large trailer like dressing room.

She talked, I scribbled notes and at the end of the interview I had finally remembered some of my questions. She signed photos for us, and asked us to "take a piece of fruit, the both of us."

Mare remembers that "She tried to give me the 6 pack pf Tab and yes all the fruit !!

 And she was SUPER sweet – I also remember she kept touching your arm throughout the interview and I thought it was sweet -- and even though I was not the one conducting the interview, she gave me the same attention as she did you"

Thank you Joan for all of the laughs.  The world is a lot dimmer without your light.

Radiation begins

When I was 16, my father died. My mother died in 2011. You know what that means…for 37 years I was married to my mother.  

In 1984 my mother announced she had breast cancer and would undergo a full left breast mastectomy.

Being the dutiful “husband” I drove her around as she updated her will, cleaned the entire house and froze meals so I wouldn’t have to cook for the 2 weeks shed is at Yale Hospital in New Haven…oh and she put the car that she never drove in my name. 

Now I have breast cancer on my left breast.  What have I done?  I cleaned the house.  The only difference from 1984 until now is the 2 hour hospital stay after surgery instead of two weeks.

The only things left are to begin radiation----

Last week I was “tattooed” for my radiation. Little dots around my left breast to be radiated for seven weeks, five days a week. Its only for 10 minutes a day…but every day. Every day at 1:15…really cuts into my life…but since I am self employed as a Professional Organizer (www.lesmess.com) it will only cut into work time.

My bills won’t be happy, nor will any of my creditors. But, hey life is still good!

Refusing to be scared

Everyone is scared now and then. Everyone has fears. My fears are being raped, being kidnapped and being murdered. But I'm not afraid of cancer. I know I will be fine. In fact my life is getting better all the time.

Recently, I have ended two friendships that I have had for 7 years. It wasn't working out. I was not happy for a number of months with these friends. They were asking way to much of me---and instead of always saying NO--I ended the friendships. Now I feel like Taylor Swift as I recount my friendships and what went wrong.  Yes, I do miss the friends...but my life is happier in many ways.

I am standing up for myself and telling people exactly what I think. It took me a number of years to get to this point. But, finally I am here.

The one thing I do feel sad about is having to tell people the truth--because it truly makes them look bad.  

A little about me...and my cancer.

Looks like cancer, the dr said, leaving his bedside manner behind him as he cut into my left breast.  “When the biopsy is back we will know for sure. But if it is, you’ll have lots of decisions to make.”

Really? I think I only have one—get it out of me! I don’t want to have cancer, and I think it is a universal fact—no one wants this disease, but 1 in 5 women in CT will get it.

I waited the five days to know. But, I knew. My mother had two bouts of breast cancer and I’ve been getting my boobs squished since I have 35. Almost twenty years…But I was amazed at my reaction when the dr said it. I was calm.  I have no idea if it’s my believe in God, The Secret or my angels that will get me through.  Or, am I just too numb to realize what is happening inside of my body.  The only pain I ever felt was leaving my bra on too long and the relief I have as I flinged the bra to other side of the room. In fact, I never felt any pain in my breast before the biopsy.

I think about the pain as I go to bed and lay on my stomach—my boobs squished under me and I wonder how long before I will be whole again. I don’t have a fear of dying and I have a feeling this is going be a very good time in my life. First, I will find out who my true friends are…even though everyone on the planet will be nice to me because I have cancer. Enemies, wishing me dead (there is a lot of Republicans in New Britain) will now have to be nice to me. Sucks for them!

Me? As I wait for the Brac gene testing (if Angeline Jolie and I have the same fate) I think what my new breasts will look like. I can have a nipple—but if it’s not going to be sensitive—what is the point?  I will be able to wear T-shirts without anyone knowing if I’m cold. And, I will never have to wear a bra again. It’s a big price to pay---but I’m sure everything will work out.

Two more weeks before the test results come back.  Everyone asks, what can I do for you? But truly there are only a handful of people who really care—my true friends…But wait---there is more.

My friends have rallied around me.  The first night of knowing I was treated to dinner. Since that first night I have been treated to dinner, lunch, a play, a movie and a possible trip to New York City.

Everyone asks, “what can I do”, and “if there is anything I can do”—but when push came to shove and I asked for hard candy the night before my colososposy test:  One friend was naked and getting into the shower after a long day, one was paying her bills and one couldn’t do it until the next week—so everything is really normal. One friend’s sister asked me to stop talking about my breast cancer because it makes HER uncomfortable.

No one really has taken me up on my offer of :  buy me a car, get a landscape artist for my back yard, how about a handyman  to put on my screen door or a nice vacation?  No one has taken me up on any of these…so I think I need to lessen my expectation and think maybe some hard candy would be nice.