Gratitude and A Positive Mental Attitude.
Everyone I know talks about being grateful, staying grateful or just having a grateful heart. Well for the past year Ive been writing down 10 things I am grateful for. Here are some of them for today:
Thank you for the home I live in and can afford.
Thank you for the great neighbors I have.
Thank you for the dog Otto I dog sit for and get paid to do it. Thank you!
I loved Target. That is I loved Target-- until yesterday. I loved the anticipation of shopping there—I never knew what I would buy extra from my list of targeted items. Sometimes it was a new flavor of coffee (archer farms Vanilla Crème Brule) or a new nail polish (OPI), but it was always something.
I would hear tales of people walking in for one item and walking out with 11 more items. Or, people walking in to find the exact thing they were looking for and they found it on sale. Or just seeing a friend or family member walking the isles, but I loved going to Target. I have spent thousands of dollars on everything from glasses to prescriptions. I even moved my percriptions from CVS to target one summer to save a few hundred. (yeah I have no life).
Then yesterday it happened. I had just stopped in for coffee—(they got rid of all of their archer farms coffee and haven’t restocked the shelves. (I was there last Wednesday and went back on Monday. ) Still no coffee---and a lovely man even went into the back to see if there were any. Nothing. So, I picked up a few things---and walked over to the cash registers. There were three lines open. People coming out of all of them and three people standing next to purses/clothing just talking. These three were Target employees.
What are you all standing there for—open a register…why should all these people wait while you three are just talking. I said.
The guy said he hadn’t clocked in yet (why is he on the floor then?)
The young woman didn’t say anything—and the older woman said she just called for people. I asked to speak to a manager and she told me to calm down. I am the manager.
Then what are you doing?
She told me she had called for people to come and were waiting for them and to please calm down. She also said they were hiring people. Shouldn't you do that on a daily basis?
It was then that I looked at my items, realized I didn’t need them and could buy them at Stop n shop where they do open lines when a customer asks ---
And I walked out of Target.
Usually I love Target, but if this manager is running things—I'll stay away ---I can always shop on amazon.com.
What should have happened at Target; the manager should have said—I’m opening one here, I know it’s upsetting to have to wait—and we are doing our best.
Instead—you have lost a customer. There are a million places to buy what you are selling—and I will now find them.
Dear Jen:
I’ve been a fan ever since I saw you in that wedding dress a hundred years ago. I stuck up when you and your co-starts got 1 million an episode and took your side in almost every argument, but this time it’s different. You are complaining Jen—from where I sit your life is pretty perfect to me… you are employed, stunningly beautiful (maybe I should buy some Aveno) and travel first class whenever and where ever you want to do and most important you are loved.
But you complain about a story about you that is not true. So what? They are printed in the rags—not real newspapers. These rags are not staffed by real journalists like I, or others who have blogs and/0r work for actual newspapers. Yes, they do have freedom of speech –but please don’t think they are journalists. Journalists are hard workers who believe in the truth, and use facts to craft the story. Journalists have degrees from credible instutions of higher learning. We have written for newspapers and paid less than you at your Dairy Queen Job---but still we journalists write the truth.
The story is you are a very lucky woman who has had a few bad things happen like lots of us. If you are embarrassed by this story—I can imagine you are---I’m sorry—but Jen if this is your biggest problem—you are so ahead of the game…Just kiss your husband and be glad you are rich and can afford to live.
You are being fat shamed Jen and it stinks for us all. It’s all about sticking people in a hole so others can “figure you out.” Instead of taking the time over many dinners and shopping trips and drinking coffee, people will see one thing about you and then say—Okay you are fat. If you are fat, then you are lazy!
But every fat person I know is not lazy and we do a lot more than most men.
In fact, I think you are not fat, not pregnant and thrilled you are happy.
(I on the other hand have 3,000 dollars and need to buy a car. But, who really wants to own a 3,000 dollar car? Yuck. I’d like to own a 10,000 dollar car---and if you go back on this blog and read about Bank of America—you will see why I don’t have the 10,000 dollars.)
So, instead of complaining about this problem Jen--- Sue them---and then donate the money to a wonderful cause. Or keep the money and buy an island. I hear Hawaii is a great place to live—and your friend Oprah has a home there.
Be Well Jen
Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment / Getty Images
My friend Patricia mentions that I have "great neighbor karma." Off the charts she thinks--and I have to agree with her.
My first great neighbors were at my condo complex where people always helped me and left cookies on my door step. Hey, come to think of it--my new neighbors leave me tuna fish and potato chipsand chicken pot pie--(OH MY) too. These foods are some of my favorites.
Today, we had a little adventure. Usually when we hang out at our respective houses, but today the kids (the 18th year old girl and the 13th year old boy) when out to breakfast at O'Rourke in Middletown, CT. The diner has been on Diners, Drive-in and Dives and its a personal favorite of mine as I went to Wesleyan University (1989 Graduate) and they have a omelette named for graduates.
The 13th year old had a burger and when it was placed in front of him didn't talk to any one of us at the table until he was finished. His eyes it up when I asked if he wanted another one. The 18th year old, her mother and I talked as we ate and had a delightful time. the three of us are very honest--its why we get along. We tell the truth as we see it.
Then, we went to NORA for cupcakes and we decided to take them home...although I'm sure the 13 year old would have sat in the store and ate one with a large cup of coffee. I would have joined him.
Oh, and I received a surprise from them on Monday...a large basket of purple flowers. The mom--Audrey was thrilled and happy and I know I am loved--what more can you want from your neighbor who has turned into a great friend?
The first time I ever was in a hoarders house was in the early 80s. I had become friends with a group of people at work and I dropped off one of them at home—she invited me in to let me go to the bathroom. As I walked into the kitchen there was stuff everywhere—dishes clean and dirty in the sink and on the table. There were six chairs around the table, one for each member of the family, but now two people lived there—the adult woman who I worked with and her mother. There was one path to get everywhere in the house…one small path to the bathroom and to the living room. All the other rooms were filled so her mother and my friend shared a room. I couldn’t stay in the house for long and walked out explaining to my friend I don’t know why—but I just can’t deal with all that stuff in your house. We didn’t know this was an illness predicated by a loss of something kind. I can to understand her mother had suffered a loss of her husband and then started to keep items…everything that came into the home stayed there. There was no definition of good or bad stuff- it was all stuff kept in the house.
Today, dealing with hoarders we know a lot more about this and at its basic form: it’s an inability to mourn a loss. The loss could be death, divorce, breakup, any type of perceived loss—and the horde becomes a way to fill up that hole (your heart---the emptiness) with things.
Most people go broke spending money on items—the whole process of this is to make the person feel better…and they will keep something like an empty tuna can, or a full one. You can horde most anything—food, paper, books, cosmetics, plants and animals too.
This miss conception is that it only happens to poor or middle class people—but it happens to rich celebrities---why do you think Michael Jackson was 500 million dollars in debt? He was a hoarder. Do you think Jay Leno and Jerry Seinfeld are hoarders? Who needs that many cars? Driving through towns I can always tell a hoarder by their front lawn: too many somethings. Cars, lights, furniture, broken items all over the lawns waiting to be fixed tend to be messy in their homes too. (Downtown in New Britain the new central park I think has too many lights. Two less would have been better.) Less Is More as the saying goes.
In the early days of my organizing business I had a client who “just wanted to know if my wife is a hoarder or just a collector as she had claimed”. I remember the conversation as it was last week—as he described walking through the house and stumbling on items such as a coffee pot and a suitcase---I told him, you don’t need to pay me money so I can come to your town and tell you. I can tell by your descriptions---she isn’t a collector. But he wanted me to come and talk to the family—so off I went.
As I walked through the front door and looked into the living room- Yes, I said, yes she is a hoarder. There were clothes (baby and adult), suitcases and baby furniture on the floor. On the living room couches and chairs were also clothes pilled very high and spilling on to the floor. Clothes were on every surface, even on the TV. The large dining room table sat 8 and each chair was filled with “stuff” including the table too. His wife was out and expected back within minutes. I asked him who died in your family.
He was at a loss for words. No one he said.
His wife came home, was very surprised to see me—but understood her husband’s need to call me—and we talked. Turned out her favorite neighbor and she started shopping at Goodwill.
One of the major findings about hoarding is depression and it is set off by a loss. It can be the loss of a family member (including animals) a divorce, break-up any type of perceived loss can start someone on this path of hoarding.
One question I am asked is how does a hoarder get so much stuff---it’s easy—they don’t toss anything—from the takeout container ( and they usually don’t wash it out) to in very extreme cases their urine and feces.
There are five stages to Hoarding and most of what is on TV’s Hoarders is stage 5—broken walls, no electricity, no water, and the whole house may be a fire hazard. Most times the local law enforcement agencies are brought to help. Usually with these types of level 5 the whole house is taken down.
Most Professional Organizers deal with hoarders from level 1 which all doors and stairways are accessible and there are no odors and the clutter is not excessive. Some PO’s can hand Level 2…clutter inhibits the use of more than two rooms, and there are smells that are not pleasant.
In my 15 years of being a PO (my how time flies when you are having fun!) I have dealt with 5 hoarders and all were level 2. Unless you are a family member of a hoarder, you might not know your next door neighbor is one—unless they have stuff on their lawn and have never invited you into their home.
In my experiences when the phone call comes from the family members who care about the person doing the horde, then it’s time to call in the big guns. The whole family is also affected and needs to do some therapy. If you live in New Britain and/or surrounding towns look no further than The Institute of the Living in Hartford. It is the premier place for all things hoarding and dealing with this as a mental illness. The programs and the head were once on Oprah too.
Hoarding cuts through all economic barriers from Greenwich to West Hartford. There are hoarders in Granby and Warren too. So, if you know a hoarder be gentle with them – and get them help. They might not like it at first—but everyone deserves to live in a clean and organized home.
When I was 7, my family moved into our 'forever" home. It was the summer of 1967. After my dad died in 1976-my mother was determined to keep our home. "After all", she used to say "its the best place to live in New Britain--and we are lucky to live here." (Yes, I am.)
When my new neighbors moved in--Audrey and I talked about getting rid of the trees that are a nuisance with their ugly "boomerang" looking droppings. This week we have had the Privilege of working with PAVO and FRANK ofJani Tree Service because they have been Fabulous.
Frank putting the tree in the chipper.
They left the place BETTER than when they came last Tuesday. If you want great work at a great price--Call 860-818-5109
Now, I will work on my tan...
Sasha and I watching TV. She is sleeping on a heated blanket. It is cold in the house and the heat is off as of May 1.
Sasha and I watching TV. She is sleeping on a heated blanket. It is cold in the house and the heat is off as of May 1.
I might have to get a dog. Sasha, the little dog that lived with me for 10 days had to go home today. We had a great time together. She reminded me of a teenager when she would sleep for long periods of time. She was the best medicine for coming home from work. She was happy I was home and of course would feed her. Sometimes I didn't understand what she wanted, as she doesn't really come with many instructions. She would stretch out and walk that way which sometimes I thought she just wanted to play and sometimes I thought she wanted to go out. She listened to every command I made and licked me silly sometimes. I think it was her way of saying--I'm going to lick you now then I don't want to be disturbed when I sleep.
This morning I received a text from my Next Door Neighbor telling me they are back and to bring Sasha home. I felt a little sad. But I carried her and most of her stuff next door. She seemed very happy to be home.
Now, what will I do without her?
