Yes, it's been a while and here is why...

It has been almost two months since I've had the inclination, determination and the desire to write. I don't know why it left me for a while-but the good thing is I am back!

The past two months I have had the pleasure to see true friendship and love come into my life. People who need me, but also helped me. I have been the taker, instead of the taken.

I went on a cruise to the Panama Canal and had a wonderful time and ate up to three desserts a day.  Yes, on a cruise you can eat, eat and eat some more.  You want breakfast and a side of breakfast too? Yes, the cruise makes it so easy to eat so much that sometimes you have to say NO. No to room service, no to the third dessert. No to anything more--I'm just drinking some hot tea, or cold tea, or cold water and sitting on the balcony reading--waiting for dinner or afternoon tea.

I also have decided to let go and let God when it comes to everything in my life. I'm not pushing to get ahead, or slow down. I'm taking every day as it comes, writing down my 10 blessings a day and thanking God for everything.

I might even go to Church on Easter Sunday...

I have the BEST Friends

Although I won't name them--these women have proved beyond a shadow of a doubt--they love me and care about me and their gifts truly show me how much. I have been on Food Stamps for a few months now and although it is great to know I will not starve to death--it's sad because I can work--I just can't find a job--and can't do my Organizing business full time because I don't have a car that is dependable.

Even as I write this, I'm scared that my car will die--and I don't even have AAA---Im just glad I have car insurance.

So, I do my own thing, and sell my mothers stuff on ebay, organize clients (when they don't cancel) and try to keep my head above water...and I'm doing it.  What I'm not doing is paying any of my bills--since last July when my car died and I couldn't afford to have it fixed. (It needs a new transmition) but I still drive it around New Britain...and sometimes I even go as far as WH.

But, my friends have been there for me.  The other ones have said to me when I called up so sad wanting to kill myself--one of them said: I could say Do IT--but I wont. Why would I want to be friends with these people--when I have friends that truly are wonderful to me.

So, let this be a lesson: Take care of yourself first, then take care of everyone else. I put everyone else first---and the people I put first, now place me on the list of last.  Oh well--Live and Learn! 

Its what YOU believe that matters

It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you, its what YOU believe that is true. I am so filled with joy and happiness and nothing has changed except my attitude. I have a lot to be angry about, but I'm taking the higher road. I'm doing what Michael (and my parents) would want me to do. Enjoy your life, because you just don't ever know when it will end. Enjoy the sip of tea, be grateful for the Capitol Lunch hot dogs that filled your stomach as well as your loved ones.

Be grateful now. Be happy now. Be in the moment now. I am.

MY THREE BOYS

As I write this there are three little boys sitting on my couch playing games. The parents are having some quality time by themselves. We had to negotiate a time, since I'm getting ready to go out for the evening.

The mother who knows me so well said "you could watch CNN all day at the house" if I babysat for the dogs.  Its Hoover, who tries to eat the everything in the house.  Not food, but wood drum sticks, and pillows I have to make sure he doesn't chew.

Then put on my bra and went over my friend's house. He made pizza for us--and it was great-just like he is.  I've known him for 31 years...was over his house when I was in my 20's and now in my 50's.

What a great day and night...which is the way it should be!

Michael Dooman, My Friend, My Cousin, My Brother

Michael was perfect. Seriously, even when he had hair, his hair was perfect.  He was our families’ prince, and when he and Sheila had princes of their own, Michael was elevated to King.

Mike and I met when he was 9 and I was 13. We were both Assyrian—so naturally we started calling each other cousin. But, we were more like brother and sister.

Being in Mike’s company two things would happen if you were lucky---a great laugh and some needed advice. ONCE, DURING a conversation ----I asked Michael “How come I call your mother Betty and you call mine Auntie Frances”---without missing a beat, he said—“I’m more respectful then you are”---He had a great sense of humor and yes, he was respectful of everyone. 

Mike taught me to not comprise my beliefs, and still be nice.  Kill them with kindness---You don’t have to like the person, but you can treat them with dignity.

In fact, in the late 90’s, my mother coined a phrase about Michael. I wanted to do something, and called Michael to get a second opinion---and he said—its okay to do that!

When I told my mother—she said, and I quote   “If Michael says its okay—Then, its okay.” That Christmas, everyone got T-shirts with that saying.

If you need advice, you can always ask yourself   WWMDD?  What would Michael Dooman Do?

And if you think Michael would do that—then it’s okay.

Rest well my brother---we will miss you.

My MIchael

My cousin Michael was perfect. We met when he was 9 and I was 13. Since he and I were the same nationality, Assyrian-we always considered ourselves related.   I would regale him with the new adventures of Leslie and he would laugh and always give me great advice. He also was the only Assyrian who never told me to lose weight. I loved him for that too!

Michael was perfect. Seriously, even when he had hair, his hair was perfect. He knew what to do in every situation. I marveled on how different we were, but how close we both were to each other. He was always there for me, and I hope I was always there for him.

He was a gourmet chef --I barely make pancakes.

He spoke Latin, Farsi, Assyrian, German and French. I speak English. (I understand a few Assyrian words-but don't test me!)

He was an amazing father, and he didn't have the luxury of growing up with one--as his father was away working. He was brought up by his mother, and his aunts. My father died at 16.

He loved history, reading, baseball (YANKEES). I only read  biographies of famous people.

One Christmas we told each other our presents before they were opened. "You got some book on history."  The Civil War one, he asked as his eyes lighted up before me.  I received an Alice Cooper album---Schools Out was the title. We both were very happy.

Two years ago, he went to the doctor and found out he had cancer in his neck and throat area. This year I found out I had breast cancer. When I called to tell him, I said: I love you so much, I got the same disease you have. He laughed.

I loved the sound of his laughter. I will miss him, his laughter his advice and him just being around.

I will also write more when I can do so without cry! For now, remember to be kind to each other, you just never know when your life will change.

Friends...they are the gift you give yourself!

Every day since I received my cancer diagnosed, something wonderful, heartbreakingly lovely has happened to me. 

I have learned who my true friends are.  They are the ones who said, you can call me at any time day or night to talk. They also call me, or text me. I do have wonderful friends.  Today, my friend Fred dropped by to deliver wood. Its turning from 60 and rainy to wintery snow and 30 by Wednesday.  I am truly blessed to have friends like Fred in my life.

I have told my drama filled friends that I am done with them. I could not see us having a good time, while I had to listen to their tale of woes. I have cancer, and I need all of my drama to stay with me. In the process I have lost a group of women I once said I would share my lotto winning (I am winning!) with. Most of those women have left me to fend for myself. Except for Gina who drops by, and emails me often.

My other friends from long ago have also resurfaced and have been so kind and wonderful to me--I am beyond thrilled to have them back in my life!  We still laugh at the same things and nothing has changed from the times I did see them in the 80s.

Everyone got married, moved out of town and lives went on...but now we are back!  YEAH!

I have one friend Laurie who has made it clear, I do not have to go through all of the emotions alone—she is there for me—and boy is she ever. Laurie is my salad maker...she makes the best and most delicious salads I have ever tasted. I am grateful for her and others who truly care about me.